So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
