Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
