So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
