The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
