Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
