so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
