The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
