A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
