You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
