Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
