I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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