is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
