That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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