no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
