I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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