is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
