My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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