I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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