So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think my moral compass just broke
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