Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
