I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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