I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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