he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
