Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
