Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
