i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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