I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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