Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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