Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
