Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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