The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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