I hate all girls vehemently.
I smell stomach acid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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