we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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