Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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