I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
