Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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