i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
