apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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