literally had 100 drinks last night.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
