I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
love makes seman taste better
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
