He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
