stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
