My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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