my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
