I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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