if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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