I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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