well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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