South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She bit a glass in half.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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