all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
