On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
