I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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