first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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