I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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