you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
