I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
