Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
